Something rather intriguing happening while I was hibernating from writing for the last 5 days.
I didn’t consciously seeking out the reasons why I went into hiber-mode. But after the long weekend watching re-run of “Torchwood” Series 2, a UK Sci Fi TV series, I decided it was about time I got down to business. I picked up where I left off from the last writing of STOS # 3 and finished the story.
As I finished it, I felt a bit giddy and surreal. Giddy, obviously came from the sense of accomplish something. Surreal was about the way how I paused the writing machine for 5 days, and then pressed the play button as if nothing happened. I just sat down and wrote the ending of it.
Something came back to me when I tidied up the files of STOS # 3. I have been aware of one of the reasons which contributed to my feeling off-balance, creatively. But I didn’t want to acknowledge it back then.
While I was working on STOS # 3, I also started the revision of STOS # 1 as per my original schedule. I thought I would be able to handle 2 projects (at various stages) the same time. Though at a deeper level, I had my doubts. Up til now, I had never worked on 2 stories simultaneously. I wanted to believe that I could bring my work place management scheme to my creative calendar. The fact was the creative part of me was operating from an organic yet alien system. I chose to ignore it and force fed it with my work self. The result was: My creative self became confused and she froze up.
My fault lied in “demanding” my creative self to work on 2 stories the same time. I never asked her if she wanted to do it or not. I just threw the stories at her and expect her to get on with it. I ignored that working on a draft was very different to working on revision. The creative self will need to switch from one mode of creativity to another.
I should never force the creative self to do anything that she doesn’t want to. The essential thing is to accept that she has her limit. And it is only by allowing her time to grow and loving her unconditionally that she would achieve great things.
I’m sure eventually I would be able to work on several creative projects within the same time frame. But not now, not until when she is ready.