Thursday, June 11, 2009

Choosing

It is amazing how every day I have to learn about choosing all over again and again. The choosing I’m referring to is whether I choose to write or not. And if I choose to write, I also have to choose what I’m going to write.

After finishing STOS # 1 (draft), I had come up with a very rough writing schedule. Basically I’m to produce 200 words of STOS on a daily basis (5 or 6 days a week). So far, I’ve finished 3 stories of STOS. No bad!

By now, I’m expecting I should be very used to this 200 words daily writing routine. I’m expecting myself to feel at ease whenever I sit in front of my laptop. The answer is Yes and No. I did feel at ease sitting in front of the laptop. Whereas in before, I was like an animal circling the prey and wondered when was the best time to attack it. Now I would slide into my chair and turn on the machine gracefully.

Then comes the big No No. While waiting for the laptop to load up the document, my mind would start wandering off. It leaps to want to check the emails and all the fantastic blogs simultaneously. Or all of a sudden, the laundry is of paramount importance. I have to do it and I have to do it now or the human race will be perished. And As soon as my mind start grabbing the shopping list for luxurious gadgets like a wireless mouse covered in Swaroski crystals, I have to put a stop to it.

I’m back to choosing. I have to make a conscious decision if I’m to write today or to continue with a gadget list with more items like installing a 72 inches big screen TV in my bedroom.

Choosing has become an important part of my daily writing routine. It sets up the stage for the creative self to perform. And when I step on that stage, the other parts of choosing come in as well. Now I’m facing with the questions if I want to start a new story or to rewrite a finished draft. To go further, I’ll need to make all sorts of decisions / choosing while I’m in the middle of creating a story.

No matter how much choosing I need to do during the course of writing a story, the first choosing is the crucial one. No story will get written without my choosing to write over choosing to watch crap TV.

With this in mind, I’ve been feeling a wee bit uneasy when people say that to be a writer is not by choice. Maybe to them. Maybe they are born to be writers. But to me, I choose to be a writer because I want to. It is a choice that I make on a daily basis.

What about you, fellow creatives? Do you choose to become a writer, a painter? What makes you choose to write or paint or … ?

* STOS is a series of stories which based (loosely) on the same theme.

6 comments:

Angie said...

Lovely to hear from you, and to know you are on the mends.
Even though I haven't met you I feel a connection with you and other bloggers that I write to and share with, so if I hear you are unwell I will think of you and hope for wellness.
We are connected by the creative flow!
This blogging thing is tremendously positive! As for me I am feeling rather average today with my young one also home from kindy.
Lots of thoughts on art but no making, just on the recovery mode.
As to your question, what makes me choose? Never really thought about it, I kind of feel that it was a 'choiceless choice'. It maybe chose me, any medium in which I can use colour and shape to express myself, that is my only criteria for my art.
Glad to see you back also and thank you for your lovely comment.
Also sounds great about starting a 'journal', I have also had some feeling towards it but the poor journal just sits there, blank and colourless.
Will meet with muse soon!
Angie ox

Holly said...

I adore how you describe circling the laptop like an animal! LOL Just fabulous.

I think the Muse speaks to all of us, but all of us won't be fearless enough to listen and respond.

If she whispers and one doesn't hear, she simply moves on until she find the one who is willing to be her partner in bringing the arts to the World.

I'm not always courageous enough to work with her. I've always regretted it when I let a chance slip by.

But, I always try to remember, I am but a mere mortal and the Muse? As a goddess, she has more power...and I am at peace with that.

KnittingJourneyman said...

OMG-the choices the choices....it kills me some days.
Do I get up way too early to write and reach my daily goal? Or do I sleep in?
Do I write - or do I draw?
Do I knit? Do I work on spirit dolls? Do I work on my courses? Or do I cook and feed my kids?
Too many choices-and don't even get me going on do I check email? I feel so guilty-there are all these wonderful blogs to check out and comment on.....there's never enough time for that for me.....
As much as I hate to admit it, every thing I do is a conscious choice.
I choose to write. I choose to draw. I even choose to feed my kids now and then (I'm teaching my oldest to cook so she doesn't die of starvation.)
I do not always make the best choices-and I work VERY hard at releasing the guilt of that...but I carry on...every day...

Hybrid J said...

Hi Angie,

Choicless choice - what a great way to put it! I interprete that as to make a conscious choice to follow your instinct!

Don't worry about feeling average on a day to day basis. Most of my days, including my creative days, are pretty average. I always believe that great works are an accumulation of average small works. So keep going and hope to see more of your journal! :)

Hybrid J said...

Hi Holly,

Love the way you describe the Muse at work. I haven't thought about her for a long time and surely there was time when she hovered over me but I was too timid to answer her call!

I'll try to be more alert to her call!

Hybrid J said...

Hi Tabitha,

Oh, talking about the guilt when we're not following our choice! I'm with you there. Learning how to deal with guilt and practice self-forgiveness is vital to any creative beings. Thanks for such wonderful comment!