Bewilderment

In this slowing time of mine, though I’m still creating, I really need some extra boost to keep me going.

For those who have been following this blog for a while, you all know that I’m currently reading books on creativity by Eric Maisel. Well, I have to admit that since early June, that was when I semi-hibernated, I felt like I was on overdrive. To give myself a decent break and to re-tune the creative engine, I stopped all my readings. But since my official slow-down, I went back to the “The Creativity Book”.

To quote Maisel on Week 17: “An everyday creative person makes an effort to embrace bewilderment.” When I read of this, I thought to myself: No problem. I’ve been embracing the chaos of writing 1st draft all these months. And I’m perfectly o.k. with it. I also thought maybe Maisel’s book was not right for me at this stage. So I put it down and went back to tackle the rewriting of STOS # 1.

But the phrase “embrace bewilderment” kept swirling in my mind and I couldn’t focus on writing. The only way to get rid of it is to bring it to the boil.

I went back to re-read that chapter a couple of times and there was one sentence which really jumped out at me.

It might mean that you’re on the verge of a breakthrough that can only occur if you let out a real shriek: “I have no idea what I’m doing!”

Bingo! That’s it!

I did embrace the bewilderment (not knowing) of creating stories. But I rejected the "not knowing" when I was working on rewriting / editing. I actually expected myself to know everything about the story after the first draft. The “I should know” attitude not only brings in frustration and pressure. It is crippling the rewriting process and literally places the story on hold.

I have to admit that I’m still pretty much in the dark and just like what Maisel says: "I have no idea what I’m doing!"

I need to surrender myself to the story again. And let the story re-write itself. Or as Maisel suggests: I’m prepared to work blind.